Tenten's Long Day
by AquaSkye16
Summary: R&R. Tenten's VERY long day. Involving a mentally disturbed Neji, a youthful as ever Lee, Tsunade's Lexus, and...Yahtzee.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

_**Tenten's Long Day**_

Chapter One: World Conquest and Fat Burger

It was a lazy Saturday morning, and Tenten definitely did not want to get up for early morning training. Not after late night training last night. She was drifting in and out of sleep, kicking off her covers and smiling at her nice dream.

"No, mommy, I don't want a cookie. I want ten million cookies…give them to me now before I stick you full of kunai…"

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEE-

SMASH!

"DUMB ALARM CLOCK! I WAS GONNA GET TEN MILLION COOKIES! AH-huh?" Tenten looked at the alarm clock. "Man, that one lasted a whole week." She looked sleepily at her watch. "Wha-WHAT! IT'S 7:00! DUMB ALARM CLOCK! YOU COULDA GOT ME UP EARLIER!" She ran to the bathroom, struggling out of her tank top and sweatpants. She grabbed her toothbrush and squeezed toothpaste on it, hastily brushing as she jumped into the shower and turned on the water full blast. "AAAAHHHH!COLD! DUMB SHOWER! COLD, COLD, COLD!"

"AAAYYYYAAAAHHHH!" the shower head slipped out of her grasp and started to spray everywhere. Tenten slipped and fell against the shower door and fell through, and the shower head was rearing like a lion and kept spraying cold water. "AAAACCCKKKKK! STUPID SHOWER!"

Once she recovered and turned the shower off, she was standing in water up to her knees. "The water bill is going to be horrific this month," she muttered angrily as she opened up the bathroom door and water spilled out into the hallway. She rubbed herself dry with a towel and went into her room. She put on a dark green Chinese style sleeveless shirt and black pants because all of her pink shirts were dirty. And soggy, since she had carelessly left them in the hallway. After putting her hair up in their usual buns, she rolled up her pants and grabbed a couple of towels out of the closet, trying to clean up the mess the SHOWER HEAD had made. This took her about two hours, and she damp with sweat when she finished. She leaned back and breathed a sigh of relief.

She got up and decided to start the day. Tenten made her way to the room where she kept all of her rooms and made her selection. Then she jogged out into the hallway and on her way out of the door, snatched a carton of yogurt out of the fridge, and a plastic spoon.

"YOUHFUL FLOWER! Where were you this youthful morning?" Lee, Gai, and Neji were walking up the street, apparently heading for her house.

"Sorry. Stupid alarm clock, and the stupid shower head. Did you guys already finish?"

"Fear not, youthful flower! We shall train with you!" Lee cried.

"LEE, I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

Tenten sweatdropped, then turned to Neji. "Neji, how are you this morning?"

The stone faced prodigy looked at her, then said, "Are you threatening me, Master Jedi?"

"EEEHHH?" Tenten stepped away. "Neji, are you feeling well?"

Neji walked forward and then said, "I have a bad feeling about this."

Tenten ran behind Lee and peeked out. "I think Neji's watched too much Star Wars. He sounded like Emperor Palpatine and Han Solo. Did he watch all the Star Wars movies in a row again?"

The she heard from behind her, "BANZAI!" she jumped. Neji was standing there, a huge grin plastered on his face. "Boggle."

"Neji!" Tenten was scared now.

"Boggleboggleboggle." Neji ran in circles around Tenten, waving his arms like a bird. "The British are coming! The British are coming!"

"How YOUTHFUL, NEJI!"

"IT'S TIME TO DIE, TENTEN!" Neji shouted.

"AAAAHHHHHHH!" Tenten was terrified now. She knew Neji liked to tease her sometimes, but he obviously wouldn't risk his pride to do so. Something was wrong with him.

"No, no, no, Neji! That is not youthful! And Tenten, I LOVE THE COLOR YOU ARE WEARING! IT IS SO YOUTHFUL!"

_Kill him, kill him now, while he still thinks you are sane…_a voice inside her head said, and she really, really, really wanted to do so, but she shrugged it off. Instead she thought that she should've worn her blue shirt.

"BUT NEXT TIME YOU SHOULD WEAR BRIGHT GREEN! IT IS MORE YOUTHFUL! I KNOW! I SHALL GIVE YOU MY OTHER BRIGHT GREEN SPANDEX! YOU MUST BE SO HAPPY!"

The little bubble that still had patience for her teammate burst. She chased Lee around and around, shrieking and holding a pitchfork and a torch. "TENTEN WHAT ARE YOU DOING! THAT IS MY-AAAAAHHHHHHH!NNNNOOOOOOO!"

"CHARIZARD! FLAME THROWER!"

""UUUWWWAAAAHHHHH!" Tenten fell off of Lee, knocked off by Neji.

"TENTEN! NO! HOW COULD YOU DO SUCH A THING!" Lee sat up, tears streaming out of his eyes and holding his head protectively. Large chunks of his hair drifted to the ground and he was almost bald.

"NEJI! WHY DID YOU DO THAT! I WAS NEARLY FINISHED! MWWWHHHHHAAAAHHHHAAAAHHHHAHAAA! THEN THAT BOTHERSOME HAIRCUT WOULD BE GONE, AND HE WOULD BE BALD AS A BABY! HIS HEAD WOULD BE SO SHINY, IT WOULD BLIND THE ENEMY! THEN I WOULD FINALLY BEAT SASUKE AND SAKURA IN WORLD CONQUEST, WITH BALDIE BOY BY MY SIDE! THEN I WOULD MAKE HIM DIE WITH ALL THE REST OF THE FOOLS! FOOLS! I WILL RULE THE WORLD ALONE! OR AT LEAST ICELAND! AND CHINA! CAUSE A LOT OF THINGS ARE MADE IN CHINA AND I LIKE CHINESE SHIRTS!"

"AAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!"

"SQUIRTLE! BUBBLE BEAM!"

"CHINA AND ICELAND CONQUEST, BALDIE BOY!"

"AAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!"

"MERCURY BUBBLE BLAST!"

"OH YEAH, I'M BAD!"

"AAAAGGGGHHHHH!"

"SLEEP COUNTRY, USA! DON'T BUY YOUR MATTRESSES ANYWHERE ELSE!"

"YOU'LL GO DOWN, UCHIHA, FOREHEAD!"

"LEE! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR YOUTHFUL HAIR!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"Gai-sensei!" Tenten turned around. "Where have you been?"

"Buying a hamburger at Fat Burger. They overcharge. LEE AND I ARE SO YOUTHFUL! Also, the burger was bad, and the burger wasn't exactly beef. It was fat. JOIN US IN OUR YOUTHFULNESS!"

"Oh, okay…" Tenten drew a kunai and looked evilly at him. Then she ran at him, jumping at his head. "LET'S GO, BALDIE BOY AND BALDIE **MAN**! OH YEAH! CONQUEST'LL BE EASY NOW!"

"NNNOOOOO! TENTEN, NO! MY YOUTHFULNESS! NO! STOP! TENTEN!"


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

_**Tenten's Long Day**_

Chapter Two: Elvis, Cooties, Jail, and Tsunade's Lexus

"NNNNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!! Tenten, why, why did you do it?! Gai-sensei's manliness and youthfulness…RUINED!"

Tenten sat on a bench, watching Gai and Lee cry over each other and blame her for something that was so OBVIOUSLY their fault. She meant, if they hadn't been so INCREDIBLY annoying she probably would've given them a buzz-cut instead of shaving them bald. Maybe. Probably not. No.

Neji sat on the bench next to her, sucking his toes and wiggling his fingers up his nose. She had to admit, it was very, very, very disturbing and she would have left him if he wasn't stuck to her like glue.

In fact, this whole incident was a major wound in her sanity, and if she did not meet someone sane soon she would probably wind up digging for gold, too, and pretending to be a monkey.

"LEE!" Gai put his hands on his double's shoulders. "I have a mission for you!"

"YES, GAI-SENSEI!"

"YOU MUST…"

"YES!"

"MUST…"

"YES!"

"GO TO THE WIG STORE AND BUY ME A WIG THAT LOOKS LIKE ELVIS'S YOUTHFUL HAIR!"

"YES!"

"NO!" Tenten got up and sprinted after Lee, with Neji on her back getting a piggyback ride. "I WILL NOT ALLOW THIS! YOU ARE GOING TO BE MY BALDIE HENCHMEN!"

"AAAAHHHHHHH!!!! SOMEONE HELP ME!" Lee ran into the store and went up to the counter. "One Elvis wig, please."

"That'll be 500 ryou."

"Thank you. AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!"

"COME BACK HERE SO I CAN BURN THAT WIG AND MAKE YOU EAT IT!"

"BANZAI!"

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

"I WILL STICK YOU FULL OF SHRUIKEN IF YOU DO NOT GIVE ME THAT WIG!!!"

"LUKE, I AM YOUR FATHER!"

"NO! IT CANNOT BE! I'M OLDER THAN YOU!" Luke cried out.

"LUKE, COME BACK HERE! I NEED TO CHOP OFF YOUR HAND!" Darth Vadar yelled, waving around his red lightsaber.

"NNNNOOOOOO!!!! RUN AWAY!" Luke sprinted off the scene, with Darth Vadar following close after.

"AAAAAAYYYYYAAAHHHHH!!!" Lee ran to a car, and pushed the random person that was getting into it aside. He jumped into the car and locked it. Then he jammed the Elvis wig over his ears (and over his head, too) and tried to hide. Tenten yelled like a maniac and pounded on the windows. Then she drew a couple of kunai, shruiken, scythes, and senbon. The car was a trash heap in a couple of minutes.

Tsunade walked out of the doughnut shop, munching on a raspberry jelly, only to see a very STRANGE sight. Tenten was standing by what remained of her car, with Elvis trying to hide in the wreckage. Orochimaru, or, the random person who was trying to steal her car, was trying to sneak away unnoticed. It didn't exactly work. Several jounin appeared and one said, "Take 'im away!" Orochimaru was hauled to the nearby jail. Pretty sad for a legendary Sannin.

"TENTEN WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY LEXUS!"

"DIE, ELVIS!"

"DIE, OBI-WAN! I AM ANAKIN NO LONGER! I AM NOW DARTH VADAR!"

"EEEEKKKKKKKKK!!! GAI-SENSEI! SAVE ME!"

"MY LEXUS! MY LEXUS! MY LEXUS! MY LEXUS!"

"DIE! I HATE ELVIS! HE'S VERY NERDY!"

"THERE IS NO TRY! YOU DO, OR DO NOT! FEEL THE FORCE FLOW THROUGH YOU!"

"NO! ELVIS IS VERY YOUTHFUL!"

"MY EXPENSIVE LEXUS!"

"DUMB ELVIS! DIE ALREADY!"

"LOOK, RON! THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS! WOW! LOOK, THERE'S A CORPSE OF A TOURIST GUY WEARING A HAWAIIAN SHIRT IN HERE!"

"ELVIS WILL NEVER DIE! HE IS TOO YOUTHFUL! LIKE GAI-SENSEI!"

And so, Tenten, Elvis/Lee, and Neji ended up in jail with Orochimaru.

"YAHTZEE!" Lee cried.

"That's not Yahtzee! That's not even Full House OR a straight six! That's just a row of random numbers!" Tenten protested.

"IT IS YAHTZEE! I FEEL IT'S YOUTHFULNESS!"

"WELL, INSTEAD OF FEELING YOUTHFUL YOU'RE GONNA FEEL PRETTY DEAD IF YOU KEEP THIS UP!"

"Um..guys…" Orochimaru timidly said.

"WHAT!?" Tenten asked, in a rage.

"Maybe…maybe we should think about breaking out.

"You're a legendary Sannin! You think about breaking us out!"

"Mmmmphh…"

"THAT'S DISGUSTING, NEJI! WHAT ARE YOU SUCKING ON!"

"The..key to the cell." Orochimaru picked the key out of the Hyuuga prodigy's mouth using as few fingers as possible.

"WOW! THANKS, NEJI!" Tenten hugged him. Neji giggled, blushed and smiled dumbly.

"COOTIES!" Tenten immediately stepped away. "COOTIES! I HAVE COOTIE GERMS ON ME! AAAAYYYYYAAAAAHHHHHH!!!"

"Don't cooties come from toilets?" Lee asked.

"Cooties don't exist," Orochimaru replied.

"DIE YOU MUST!" Neji cried out in Yoda-talk.

"COOTIES! AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! NEJI COOTIES! NEJI COOTIES!" Tenten ran straight out through the cell door and down the path.

"WAIT TENTEN!" Lee, Orochimaru, and Neji ran after her.

Tsunade looked out into the street where she saw Tenten running madly and shrieking, with Orochimaru, Lee, and a very slobbery Neji. She sipped her coffee.

"COOTIES!"

"YOUTHFUL RUNNING!"

"AAAAACCCKKKKK!!! BOY, STOP SUCKING ON MY HEAD!!!"

"YOGA IS GOOD FOR THE PEACE OF MIND!"

"LIKE YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO TALK!"

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! NO!!!! KABUTO, HELP ME!!!!!"

Far away, Kabuto sat sipping coffee and watching the video. "Oh, this is gonna make really nice blackmail."


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

_**Tenten's Long Day**_

Chapter Three: Neji? Neji?

Shino was watering his pumpkins and smiling happily. He even had on purple sunglasses with flowers on them, and was wearing his mother's favorite pink high heels because it would ruin them and he would be very happy because she would scream and scream and scream in anguish. His smile grew wider. And his pumpkins, his sweet little darling pumpkins, were very healthy and were eating well. "I love you, my sweet little babies," he said, hugging his favorite pumpkin, Bob. "Wait, you want a hug, too, Billy? And you too, Mary? Of course, you all get hugs, by darling little babies."

"Wait, what is that in the distance?" he squinted, but it was hard to see when he wore sunglasses all the time. "Don't worry, I won't let anything—HOLY COW!"

Tenten plowed through his pumpkin field, scattering orange remains left and right. Tears streamed out of Shino's, well, sunglasses. "Well, at least Bob, and Mary, and Lillian, and Shino Jr. are all here."

"BANZAI!"

"YOUTHFUL LAPS!"

"HELP ME, KABUTO!"

Lee, Neji, and Orochimaru plowed over Shino, Bob, Mary, Lillian, and Shino Jr. When the dust cleared, all that remained of them were orange pulp. Tears flowed out of Shino's eyes and made a lake of water called the Red Sea. Except it wasn't red. It was orange.

Shino stood up and had a determined look on his face. "I WILL AVENGE YOU, MY DARLING BABIES!" He began to run after Tenten, Lee, Neji, and Orochimaru with a horde of man-eating bugs.

Ino was nearly falling asleep at the counter of the Yamanaka flower shop. The day was warm and no one was coming in. Then she saw an extremely odd sight. Tenten was sprinting across the street, yelling something about cooties and stupid Elvis, followed by Lee who was singing about youthfulness, followed by Orochimaru with Neji sucking on his head and screaming something like, "Help Kabuto!", followed by Shino wearing purple sunglasses with flowers on them and pink high heels and covered in mud and orange pulp, followed by a horde of man-eating bugs. Ino stood up, went back into the house, and hid under her covers.

Naruto was busy slurping up his twenty-second bowl of ramen. Kiba, who was trying to keep up, was trying to eat his second as fast as he could.

"Ugh…I've got a stomach-ache…I ate too much…" Kiba keeled over.

Naruto would have laughed in triumph, but he was too busy eating. Hinata sat on the other side of him, looking worriedly at the amount of empty bowls that were piling up. She nibbled on the fish cake of her first bowl. "Can you pay for that, Naruto-kun? Are you feeling okay?"

Naruto was too busy stuffing his face. At least until…

"COOTIES! DUMB ELVIS! DUMB JAIL! DUMB YAHTZEE!"

"YOUTHFULNESS! YES! GAI-SENSEI IS THE GREATEST!"

"KABUTO! KABUTO, WHERE ARE YOU!"

"ONE RING TO RULE THEM ALL, ONE RING TO FIND THEM! ONE RING TO BRING THEM ALL AND IN THE DARKNESS BIND THEM!"

"REVENGE! REVENGE FOR MY BELOVED DARLINGS!"

TRAMPLE.

"AAAAAYYYYYYAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

"NARUTO!"

"Naruto-kun!"

"THEY TRAMPLED THE ICHIRAKU RAMEN STAND! THEY WILL PAY!" Naruto ran off in pursuit off the merry little gang.

"NARUTO!" Kiba and Hinata ran off after him.

The Ichiraku Ramen Stand owner came out of the restroom and stretched his arms. "Time to get back to—WHAT!"

Chouji was sitting on a bench and snacking his chips with Shikamaru when he saw Tenten, Lee, Orochimaru, Neji, Shino, Naruto, Kiba, and Hinata running together. In his mind there was only one conclusion: they were running to an all-you-can-eat BUFFET! Chouji jumped up and ran as fast as his legs could carry him, dragging Shikamaru rather slowly along.

"TROUBLESOME! Why do I have to come!"

"HUFF! HUFF! Well…huff…someone's…huff…gotta…huff…pay…"

Temari, Gaara, and Kankurou walked inside the Konoha gates. Temari then noticed something out of the corner of her eye. Tenten, Lee, Orochimaru, Neji, Shino, Naruto, Kiba, Hinata, Chouji, and Shikamaru were running toward them.

"IT'S A PARADE!" Temari yelled excitedly. "A PARADE! LOOK AT THE LITTLE MUNCHKINS RUN! HI, SHIKA-KUN!"

Shikamaru sort of waved as he passed her, or it could be that when Chouji was dragging him along his hand moved. Whatever.

"Come on, guys! Let's join the little munchkins in their parade!"

"No." Gaara stated.

"Besides, we're here to do a mission, not run in a parade," Kankurou added.

Then, Temari suddenly had a look of bloodlust in her eyes. "You will run in the parade…or I will force feed you with my special cake. The one with brussel sprouts and broccoli in it."

"Y-Yes, Ma'am!" Gaara and Kankurou immediately started running.

"YAY!" Temari cried.

Gai stepped out of the Fat Burger when he heard a commotion outside.

Tenten, Lee, Orochimaru, Neji, Shino, Naruto, Kiba, Hinata, Chouji, Shikamaru, Temari, Gaara, and Kankurou were running along the street. His eyes brightened and he sprinted to catch up with Lee.

"LEE! THIS IS YOUR DOING, IS IT NOT? WONDERFUL! EVERYONE IS RUNNING YOUTHFUL LAPS!"

Tenten immediately stopped. Everyone else stopped, too. She slowly turned around and began to cackle evilly.

"So this was all your doing…the Elvis, the jail, the Yahtzee, the mob of people behind me…"

"LEE HAD A PART IN THIS YOUTHFUL GATHERING AS WELL, RIGHT, LEE!"

"YES, GAI-SENSEI!"

Tenten smiled. "Okay then. TIME TO DIE, BALDIE BOY AND BALDIE MAN!"

"AAAAAYYYYYYAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

Orochimaru, Neji, Naruto, Kiba, Hinata, Chouji, Shikamaru, Temari, Gaara, and Kankurou sat down and watched the fight with wide eyes.

"Wow. Isn't this fanfiction rated K?" Temari asked.

Everyone else knodded, except Neji, who said, "I will take the ring to Mordor. I AM ELIJAH WOOD! OH YEAH!"

Neji sighed and walked through the Konoha gate. At first he thought the solo mission Tsunade gave him was going to be challenging, but NO. It was saving a cat. From a tree! So it was Jack's Beanstaulk and he was chased around on a CLOUD by several angry giants, it still made no use of his ninja skills.

Hearing a commotion nearby, he walked toward the source of the noise. Then he saw a very strange sight.

Tenten was beating Gai and Lee up so violently it wasn't even suited for T+. Kankurou, Gaara, Temari, Shikamaru, Chouji, Hinata, Kiba, Naruto, and Shino were watching the scene with…

Orochimaru, and HIMSELF SUCKING ON OROCHIMARU'S HEAD.

"WHAT IN THE WORLD IS GOING ON!" Neji yelled.

Tenten stopped. Gai and Lee stopped screaming in pain. The others turned to look at him.

"NEJI! WAIT! BUT—WAIT! NEJI—IS HERE! BUT HE'S OVER THERE!"

Then Sasuke appeared out of nowhere with Sakura, walked up to the Neji sucking on Orochimaru's head, stabbed Orochimaru and threw him into the deep unknown, and then pulled Neji's face OFF HIS HEAD.

"OH MY GOSH! IT IS…"

"NO! THE LIGHT! IT BURNS!" Voldemort melted into a pile of yellow goo.

"HUH?"

"HUH?"

"HUH?"

"HUH?"

"OH, HOW YOUTHFUL!" Lee picked up the Neji costume. "I think I will keep this!" He and Gai snuck away while the others were saying, "HUH?"

"HUH?"

"HUH?"

"HUH?"

Kabuto smiled and said to Dosu, "That Voldemort idea was hilarious." He tossed the videotape up and down. "This'll get us on that cruise to Greenland for sure."

"Hey, Kabuto! I thought you said it was Iceland! Greenland is the icy one, Iceland is the green one!" Kin said.

"Wait a minute…that doesn't make any sense!" Zaku said, confused.

"DIE, ELVIS!" Tenten cried, bursting into the scene.

"RUN AWAY!" Luke cried.

"LUKE! I AM YOUR SECOND COUSIN TWICE REMOVED ON YOUR MOTHER'S SIDE!" Darth Vadar screamed.

"SWEET!"


End file.
